Kathleen's Blog

That is a line from “Seasons of Love” from one my favorite Broadway Musicals – Rent.

525,600 minutes. At noon today, it had been 525,600 minutes since I held my mom’s hand and said goodbye.

And in the 525,600 minutes since that final goodbye, I have grieved. We have gone through all the “First” birthdays, anniversaries and holidays without her. And then today, the first anniversary of her death,

A year ago I was not sure what today would feel like. I do know the grief has not lessened, but it has changed. In the first few weeks, the world seemed foggy and I wasn’t thinking clearly. And when that lifted, I started finding the “new” normal where the pain is a dull ache.

One of the many challenges for me this past year was watching the world around me continue as if nothing happened… as if the most wonderful person in the world hadn’t just died?

I avoided people and places – it was too hard to see people laugh and have fun. I avoided Facebook – it made me angry to see the constant complaining. I avoided the news – I couldn’t handle any more despair. And if grief wasn’t enough, how about a Pandemic to jazz it up a little, so that my family all had to grieve alone?

I know I will grieve in some form, forever. But I also am thankful that today I was able to celebrate my mother, with Zoom and FaceTime 🙂

“Remember the love, the love is a gift from up above, remember the love. Seasons of Love…”.

Love, me